


Pride and Loss

by Matilly



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Asexual Raphael Santiago, Background Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Drug Withdrawal, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Magnus talks about decor, Mentioned Clary Fray, Mentioned Simon Lewis, One might say I got the idea from Dumbledore, Post-Episode: s02e10 By The Light Of Dawn, Protective Alec Lightwood, Raphael Santiago Deserves Nice Things, Raphael Santiago Has Feelings, and his love for knitting patterns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 15:28:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10415220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matilly/pseuds/Matilly
Summary: 'I don't want anything from you ever again.'After the Soul-Sword is activated and Raphael loses part of his clan, there's yet another person he loses in a whole different way.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Under the Cover of Darkness](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10204547) by [EquusGirl0621](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EquusGirl0621/pseuds/EquusGirl0621). 



> This is my first Shadowhunters work ever, and I've never read the books, so this is based on whatever happens on the show. That being said, I know it's not perfect when it comes to Raphael's, Izzy's and Magnus' interactions, but I tried.
> 
> If you find any mistake, let me know in the comments so I can fix it, and thanks!

_'I don't want anything from you ever again.'_ is the last thing she says before leaving to God knows where, and it's just another loss he adds to the pile of members his clan lost when the Soul-Sword was activated. It's a different kind of loss, but he feels it just as deep, in a part of him not meant for friends or family, a part of him where barely anyone has reached in the last decades.

When he returns to the hotel with the rest of his clan, Raphael realises how naïve he had been, telling her about his baby sister, showing her more of him than he had showed anyone ever. But Shadowhunters were Shadowhunters, and he had been used for his venom. Sure, he had taken her blood in return, fed off her like the blood-sucking creature he was, but she had offered her own blood all those times, using his thirst to fulfill her addiction. He mistook her willingness to spend time with him for what it really was: a high that lasted a few hours, and the possibility of sex.

That was all it had been about.

He had tried to protect her, to keep her away from a battle in which he had not sure she could fight in her state, and Raphael was not going to risk her dying because he had indulged in her request yet again. Despite knowing she would hardly forgive him, he had wished she understood why he had kept her in the dark about her brother's texts and calls.

 

* * *

 

Izzy accepts Magnus' magic on the third day of her withdrawal. Not that he has not offered before, but this time it's her who shows up at his apartment, courtesy of her older brother, and finally accepts it is too much to handle on her own. Alec never leaves her side, partially because she's his sister and partially because of what she had told him. He feels guilty for not having noticed before, and her words only rubbed salt in his wounds. He feels guilty, her state only making him feel even worse, so he vows not to leave her side until she properly heals and becomes herself again.

The magic does wonders for her, making her withdrawal faster and easier to deal with, and it takes less than another couple of days for the trembling on her right arm to stop, her senses becoming normal again, her mind clearer than in a long time.

It's when her mind clears that Isabelle finds herself thinking back at a certain Downworlder.

After the Soul-Sword had been activated, she had felt angry at Raphael, disappointed because he had not told her about the invasion of the Institute, even more when it was something that put in danger her family and her closest friends, despite whatever she had said to her older brother. Nonetheless, her almost passing out after defeating four Circle members was proof even to herself that she had not been in any condition to fight a proper battle, but she was proud and she would not take back her words just because her feelings _might_ have changed.

She overhears Simon casually mentioning to Clary that Raphael has been in a foul mood, and no matter the fledgling's comments about how that is hardly any difference from the usual Raphael, even Clary's best friend thinks there's more to it than just the vampires they lost, despite how terrible said loss had been. The choice is made there, and as Alec stops her as Isabelle is about to leave the Institute, she tells him there are a few things she needs to rectify, and though she can see it in his eyes he thinks she's going to get high again, he lets go of her arm, watching her go after she has kissed his cheek and promised him that no, that was not her intention at all. Him letting her leave is proof he trusts her, if not completely then at least to a certain extent.

Magnus is there already when she arrives at the hotel, and she can deduce her older brother called his boyfriend to make sure she didn't go to the hotel, or she would not go there to get her daily dose of vampire venom. He is about to say something when she speaks, 'I'm not consuming anything, Alec should trust me.'

'He does, he's only worried. As am I,' Magnus says instead of whatever he was going to say.

'Magnus, I only need to talk to Raphael.' And with each passing second she feels less and less like that was even a good idea in the first place; maybe, if Magnus has her speaking outside the hotel for long enough, she will not even say a word to the vampire. Maybe it would be for the best.

'Isabelle-'

'It's the truth,' she interrupts, again not letting him finish whatever he was going to say. Probably something comprehensive, or very Alec-y, or whatever else he had in mind that she doesn't want to be bothered thinking about right now. 'How about you wait here for me to come back?'

A warlock as old as him - or anyone with brains, really - would know that, if she indeed was there to indulge in her addiction for vampire venom there were other doors from which she could leave the hotel. 'Or I could go with you, work my magic, not pry into your conversation, but be there just in case,' he offers as a reply, offering her a smile that means he will not leave, nor leave her alone, but he'll allow her and his friend their privacy, at least when it comes to what they have to say to each other.

Isabelle's lips form a thin line as she glances over his shoulder at the entrance to DuMort, her options playing in her mind before she meets the warlock's eyes. 'Alright,' she agrees, walking past him without another word, still slightly angry at both Magnus and her brother's distrust of her, which she knows is only because they care about her, and the anger is joined by a hint of shame as she thinks about what she had made her big brother go through because of her.

She doesn't need to tell the vampire securing the entrance to Raphael's rooms who she is, and there's an awkward silence between her and the warlock as the wait for the vampire's clearance. It's probably because of Magnus that they are allowed inside, she thinks, and her eyes meet Raphael's for a second once they stand in his living room, right before the vampire's attention turns to the warlock's.

'Any news on the Soul-Sword, Magnus?'

'I'm afraid not, and that's not why we're here. Isabelle needed to have a word with you, and I'm only here to check on your decor, see if I get some ideas for my apartment,' Magnus replies easily, flashing his friend a brief smile before moving around the room, directing green flames at the couple, magic Raphael recognises as a spell to prevent them from being overheard by whoever else comes into the room.

The vampire moves away from the Shadowhunter, not wanting to be too close nor to look into her eyes. 'What happened to not wanting anything from me? And if you're here because of your addiction, those days are over and there's really nothing I can do for you.'

'I didn't need protection. I defeated four Circle members all by myself that night, I was _fine_. I didn't need you keeping me away from my family and friend when they needed me the most,' she says, and he has to look her in the eyes after how stupid her argument sounds in her ears.

' _Four_ people? Even if I do believe you, we both know you take down more than that in a small battle, let alone in a fight against the whole Circle. You were high, your reflexes were almost inexistent. You could barely even see me across the room, you were in no condition to take part in a battle,' he points out.

'Raphael, I-'

'I'm not offering you my venom nor sex, so there's really nothing for you here, Isabelle.'

'I want- Let me get to know you. Learn more about your sister-' she starts, hating the way her voice sounds, but he interrupts her again before she finishes her argument.

'You're a Shadowhunter, your people killed half of my clan-'

It's her turn to interrupt him, because it was her other older brother who was to blame for some of that, and Izzy defends her family above anything else. 'Jace didn't know he was activating the Sword-'

'-and you specified you wanted nothing from me,' he continues as if he hasn't been interrupted, because to him it doesn't matter who killed those vampires and the other Downworlders; all that matters is they were killed. 'If I haven't been clear enough until now, I'd like you to leave. Now.'

Isabelle says nothing for a few moments, trying to form coherent sentences in her head to keep herself from stuttering like Alec usually does. 'I'm sorry, you're right. I have nothing you could want, and vice-versa.'

It is almost like a break-up, different than the one she directed over fire-message at Meliorn, but it sounds just as final. When Raphael only stares at her, she masks her expression with indifference and a certain challenge, stands a little taller, and turns around towards the exit, not saying a word to the warlock, whom she had forgotten about.

Magnus notices her exit, lifting the spell and directing his attention at the man he views as a brother and whose eyes are on the path Isabelle took as she left the room before they meet the warlock's, expression set in the same indifference the Shadowhunter had last showed him.

'Don't say a word,' Raphael advises.

'I was just going to say that, if you ever need help with your decor, you know where to find me,' Magnus says as though nothing had happened, then leaves without another word, just a smile and a typical wave of hands, but both men know he means he will always be there if and whenever Raphael wants to talk. And they both know there will be a time in the immortal lives when he will need to.

The vampire blames all of it on Simon, but especially on Clary; the threat he would make the fledgling's existence miserable from then on dies in his mind as soon as he thinks about it. Raphael has brought it upon himself, he knows it.

Maybe later today, when he visits his baby sister in her nursing home, he will start a casual conversation with her, ask her about her life, tell her about the girl for whom he developed feelings, and hope she will tell him that time heals everything.

He has plenty of that.


End file.
